By Janis Thomas,
Author of Sweet Nothings
I could say the same thing about cake. Not that it was invented by sadists, because that would be ridiculous. Obviously, cake was invented by a glorious angelic genius bent on spreading happiness and good cheer throughout the world. But I can't imagine living without cake, either.
The other day, a friend asked me a hypothetical question which inspired this post. It went something like this:
If you had to choose between cake and men for the rest of your life, which would you pick?
But the question stayed with me, and I found myself mulling it over late into the night. I actually took out a notepad and created a pros/cons list for each, cakes on one side and men on the other. In so doing, I came to the conclusion that a cake really is better than a man, and here are the ten top reasons why:
10. Extreme heat makes cake smell good.
9. There is such a thing as a perfect cake.
8. Cakes don't watch football.
7. Certain parts of a man are more attractive than others, whereas every slice of cake looks gorgeous.
6. Even bad cake is good.
5. A cake won't complain about crumbs on the counter.
4. A great chocolate cake is better than sex.
3. If you marry a cake, your in-laws are butter and sugar.
2. Cakes don't expect you to pick up their dirty underwear.
1. You don't have to talk dirty to a cake to get it to rise.
I'm not saying that men don't have good qualities too. They do. Men have the capacity for compassion and understanding, whereas cakes don't have feelings. A man is more likely to discover a cure for hair loss than a cake. When you feel sad or upset, your husband will put his arms around you and comfort you, whereas a cake pretty much just sits there. And you certainly can't ask a cake to take out the garbage.
But, I have to admit, when I'm consuming a luscious red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting and shaved dark chocolate curls decorating the top, the last thing on my mind is the overflowing trash bin.