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Saturday, March 27, 2021

RRR presents... PLUTO'S IN URANUS by Patrick Haylock - EXCERPT + GIVEAWAY!

HI there!
Welcome back to Satisfaction for Insatiable Readers.

Today, we're shining the BOOK SPOTLIGHT on a new title that's making the rounds with Rachel's Random Resources.  It's a book that puts a rather unlikely lead in a very unusual situation and begs us to reconsider taking chances (for better or worse!)...all from an author who clearly doesn't take themselves too seriously, in the best way possible.  Sound good?  GREAT...because while Pluto may be you-know-where, we're about to dive between the pages of today's title the spotlight for a closer look.  SO, intro first, then onward to reading....

Pluto's in Uranus
Patrick Haylock

About the book...
This Christmas Jupiter and Saturn will become closer to each other than they have been for almost 800 years. It is an event that has set the world astrological community abuzz with the possible consequences of such an alignment and its potential impact on global leaders and world events.

 But what happens when an even rarer conjunction between Pluto and Uranus occurs and what affect does it hold in store for the lives of everyday ‘ordinary folk’?

 Well, it’s something that Dave from the post room is about to find out. Pluto is in Uranus and for him this indicates that everything is about to come up smelling of roses or so he thinks!

 Dave suffers from OCF, Obsessive Compulsive Fatalism, and his Achilles heel is his daily horoscope, which is about to become dramatically affected by the historic planetary alignment.

 The lucky omens predicted will compel him to take uncharacteristic chances, cross paths with a hotchpotch of larger than life characters who get him embroiled in situations with hilarious outcomes that are way beyond his control and  out of his comfort zone

Pluto’s In Uranus is written by globally unrecognised no award-winning Essex author Patrick Haylock.
Discounting his definitive guide to publishing invisible books Pluto’s in Uranus is Patrick’s debut novel, and it is now available in Bookstores on Amazon and other online outlets.



~~~   EXCERPT   ~~~

After years of hoping, events predicted in Dave’s daily online horoscope were finally starting to pan out, and he was having a brilliantly auspicious start to the day.
Fortuitous omens have been presenting themselves to him all morning and with the inclusion of a horse called ‘Black Kitty’ into a race that he was about to bet on, this was unmistakeably the foretold time to be bold and to let impulse take the lead.
 ‘Black Kitty‘ is so ominous that it overshadows his workmates preselected wagers, and he stakes the syndicates entire wad onto the late entry.
He then sits back to watch her romp home and collect the winnings.
As the race unfurled, Dave’s eyeballs grew larger, and he stared insanely at the bank of monitors relaying the race.
He watched with some trepidation as Black Kitty after being some lengths ahead began to lose ground to the pursuing group of thoroughbred speedsters.
Led by Fourth Dimension (the syndicate’s original selection), they all quickly, very quickly, began to reel Black Kitty in, and as in all bad dreams, her legs became totally inoperable, making her incapable of staving off the determined chasers.
With unwavering ease ALL the other horses caught and roared past her.
Dave watched haplessly as Black Kitty transformed from Pegasus to pantomime horse.
Fourth Dimension, the horse he should have backed, raced ahead, and won by a comfortable two and three-quarter lengths.
What followed conspired to make matters worse – much worse – as race by race and one by one each of the syndicate’s other selections romped home in first place.
Had he followed team orders; Dave would have now been holding onto slips of paper worth ten grand. Instead, he was left clutching hold of a ‘stately’ or the deeds to Bugger Hall, names coined by bookmakers to indicate the non-value of a heavy loss betting slip.
Dave’s gamble had also confirmed that a betting SLIP was very appropriately named!
After a ponderous amount of time, Dave managed to summon the energy to extrude himself from his seat and the bet-ting shop. 
Blinking into the bright light of reality, he stuffed his hand into his jacket pocket and fumbled out a handful of loose coins, which by his reckoning amounted to about a tenner.
He retrieved the black envelope and slid the cash down his hand and into it; he took a disdainful look at the word KITTY and then tucked it into his lapel pocket.
By following the sage advice of his online oracle, it was a mere £9990 short of what the winnings would have been.
No wonder it’s called a bleeding horoscope, he thought. Guilt and panic racked his body and the only way to relieve the burden was to go to the Wobblers and ’fess up.
After all, what’s the…God, there were far, far, too many permutations for him to even contemplate finishing that sentence!
So, he didn’t!
As he set off towards the pub, his legs were working on a par with Black Kitty’s, and he didn’t seem to be covering very much ground.
Fortunately, his mind was operating at a much brisker pace and after a short distance a brilliant ‘get out of jail’ thought entered his head.
Perhaps he could lie and say that he was mugged on the way back to the pub and that the winnings had been stolen.
Not bad, he thought, but to make it truly believable he would need to report it to the police, and if he could produce a witness then case closed!
With hawk like observation, he scanned the horizon and noticed an old lady waiting at a bus stop.
Not only was she stood alone but she was holding a white stick. Bonus, a short-
sighted elderly witness, the gods were smiling again.
I wonder if her name’s Kitty, he mused. He also noted that just prior to the bus stop there was a passageway in which there were some large industrial dustbins: perfect.
His master plan was about to be instigated and it was a good one.... or was it?


About the author...

Patrick Haylock is a globally unrecognised writer who if you discount a school sweet pea growing competition, has won no awards whatsoever!

He was born in Enfield at a very dark time in the world. It was 1:45 am, to be precise, and it wasn’t too long before it dawned on him.

To make something of himself he was going to need two things the ability to tell the difference between a green onion and a scallion, and a good education.

Wormley Primary and Baas Hill Comprehensive schools did their best to fulfil both requirements, and after giving them 12 years of his life, they gave him seven printed sheets of paper, and the knowledge that there was no difference between a green onion and a scallion.

He also learned that the difference between onions and bagpipes was that no one ever
cries when you chop up bagpipes.

The certificated wisdom secured a national newspaper messenger’s job, which led to an editorial trainee position, followed by a production editor’s post, and progression
into freelance journalism.

‘Knowing his onions’ helped him to successfully establish his own publishing company, design studio, online retro webstore and high street art gallery.

Patrick lives with his wife in a converted Old Essex Brewery, where he claims the 6% ABV air quality inspires him to craft his nutty tales.

Although a ‘new voice’, in the literary world, those ‘in the know’ will willingly testify that his gift for imaginative storytelling is engaging, and, amusingly unique!



Pluto's in Uranus - Kushti Bok Big Giveaway!

Your chance to win a cluster of star prizes!
(Open Internationally)

Prize includes...
A kushti Bok Mug
A signed copy of Pluto's in Uranus
A pack of 50 Lord Elpus Melon's wealth creation cards
A black cat bookmarker
An engraved pen
A lucky silver Manx cat coin

*Terms and Conditions –Worldwide entries welcome.  Please enter using the Rafflecopter box below.  The winner will be selected at random via Rafflecopter from all valid entries and will be notified by Twitter and/or email. If no response is received within 7 days then Rachel’s Random Resources reserves the right to select an alternative winner. Open to all entrants aged 18 or over.  Any personal data given as part of the competition entry is used for this purpose only and will not be shared with third parties, with the exception of the winners’ information. This will passed to the giveaway organiser and used only for fulfilment of the prize, after which time Rachel’s Random Resources will delete the data.  I am not responsible for despatch or delivery of the prize.


Special thanks to Rachel at Rachel's Random Resources for the chance to bring this tour to you. (THANKS!) For more information on this title, the author, this promotion, or those on the horizon, feel free to click through the links provided above. Be sure to check out the rest of the tour for more bookish fun!

Until next time, remember...if it looks good, READ IT!

1 comment:

Felicity Grace Terry said...

Also a participant in this Book Tour. Great characters and a somewhat surreal plot, I really enjoyed this book.

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