Communication is key in relationships
by Frances Ive, author of Brown Eyes
Meriel and Phil in Brown Eyes had hit a very bad patch in their marriage and were splitting up. Like many marriages or relationships they had been together for some time, but they were not communicating before or after the crisis happened. In fact, their innermost thoughts were never revealed to each other, so resentment and apathy had built up. Meriel’s friend Tania told her,
‘Deep down I feel that you love each other, and I find it really hard to see you throwing away the life you have together with love, that is so rare to find for anyone.’
Why was it that Tania always got right to the heart of the matter and knew exactly what to say? She was completely right, of course we loved each other. I knew that deep inside, but what could I do?
I have this block, this inability to say to him, ‘I was wrong. Let’s give it another go. I forgive you. Forget the past. Let’s start anew.’
I just couldn’t do that.
Don’t we learn that communication is key to all relationships, whether personal or business? Communication in the workplace is often the subject of courses, but does this mean that people are any better at communicating with their loved ones? Today’s children may learn more about relationships than anyone did in the past, but this is theory. How often can they put this into practice in personal relationships? It’s quite common to be worried about saying how we feel and keep it inside or tell other people, but not the partner.
Expressing feelings and being listened to are so important as is appreciation for each other. Of course, it’s human nature to take those close to us for granted. It is not until something happens and they are no longer there, that we realise how much they mean to us.
There are many reasons for lack of communication between couples. Fear of losing a partner, worry about seeming needy, or just an inability to speak your own truth can be why it seems to be so difficult, even for people who communicate well at work. There are also those who don’t give any thought to how they interact with their partners and carry on regardless, as they always have throughout their lives.
When something goes seriously wrong, they may not have a strong enough foundation to prevent the relationship falling apart. When it seems like there is no hope and the only answer is to separate, can it be pulled back from the brink, especially when both partners have met someone else? Can the deeply hidden love resurface and bring the couple to their senses?
Meriel and Phil don’t hate each other – quite the opposite, they love each other, but they find it hard to find a way out of the mess they have created. They have two children, and a family Labrador, Benji. The children are not happy with the situation, nor is the dog and we know this because he is a co-narrator. He knows their habits and their moods, and he observes everything, but despairs at human behaviour. He can see his perfect life falling apart and the family splitting in two. The sheer frustration is that he can’t do anything about it, even though he tries.
Eventually, it takes a sad event for the couple to start to pick up the pieces of their marriage in earnest. The need to swallow pride and cut through stubbornness is essential, as well as communicating with each other. Can they save their relationship?
1 comment:
Liking the idea that this is in part narrated by the family dog, that something bad might {more than likely will} happen to Benji does however put me off.
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