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Friday, January 11, 2013

BLOG TOUR: The Killer Poet's Guide to Immortality by A.B. Bard - Guest Post

Hi there!
Welcome back to the site that aims to please with bookish treasures every day of the week…Satisfaction for Insatiable Readers.

Today we play host to a blog tour event sweeping through the online communities as we speak.  From the great folks at Pump Up Your Book, it features a killer title that really gets its point across…puns TOTALLY intended.  It’s not a humorous book by genre (or at least not by the impression I have from my first glimpse) but it will certainly make you put a bit more consideration into checking out the work of that little known author whose book hides on the lower shelf in the dusty corner of your local bookstore.  *ahem*  With that in mind, let’s greet it properly, shall we?  Today’s blog tour guest and featured title is…

The Killer Poet’s Guide to Immortality
A.B. Bard

The Killer Poet’s Guide to Immortality is the riveting tale of a frustrated poet who decides that the best way to get his work read is by pinning it to corpses with a dagger. Alternately profound and hilarious, this novel chronicles in rapid-fire succession AB Bard’s obsessive murder spree, rise to media notoriety, capture, trial, and execution by lethal injection.
Then it presses further, into the future . . .



Anyone else get chills?
Upon reading the synopsis, I was certainly curious about the story (how bout you?), but I couldn’t help being reminded of the recent film The Raven as well…only in reverse.  (Anyone else see that one? Care to share your thoughts?) Either way you slice it though, I foresee body counts rising, investigators at their wits end and a poet who doesn’t know…when to quit.  A promising time indeed.  Anywho…

You all know my reading schedule is rather full, so when the opportunity for this one rolled around I opted for something other than the norm (i.e. a review by moi).  Say hello to my little guest post…or rather a guest post from the author of this curious little book that well, let’s just say it strays from the path of what’s considered usual.  Keep in mind, it’s all in jest guys, just some satirical fun to “pump up” the book…though one can’t help but wonder if a little “poet” is in the author themselves and of course the “hidden” (okay, not-so-hidden) message is totally clear.  Read on my friend, read on…


GUEST POST:  Author A.B. Bard

Here’s a review of my book, ‘The Killer Poet’s Guide to Immortality’ by AB Bard, reviewed by Christopher J. Jarmick on Amazon:

To be quick and the to point: This is one of those rare laugh-out-loud books that's full of wild twists turns and surprises, not to mention sharp as a knife satire. Written in the voice of a madman poet who's willing to kill to promote his art (Poetry), I was reminded of Kurt Vonnegut's Kilgore Trout and in several ways Breakfast of Champions. This book is a wild ride. The author is fearless and even when it flies off the tracks, it's a great ride to be on. This is a must read for anyone who claims to be a writer/poet/artist.

And yet last night I went to a reading and one person was there.  It is discouraging to be off the mainstream publicity bandwagon.  Traditional media outlets won’t review my book.  Distribution goes nowhere.  My tiny publisher is always pushing the stone uphill, losing money.

There’s nothing upbeat to say about the perpetual humiliation of writing great work that goes unrecognized.  I just go on, one foot in front of the other, already dead inside. There’s too much slickly-packaged tepid ChikLit out there for me to compete.  I’m drowning in Fifty Shades of Meconium. Nothing short of suicide seems to be the answer to this marketing conundrum.

The Twenty-first Century was a bad idea.  The Mayans waited too long. Buy my book or I’ll take the poison.  You don’t want AB’s shriveled little atheist soul on your conscience, do you?  At Christmas time?  It’s just $2.99 on Kindle.  Even the paperback is only $12.95.  Not too much to save the life of a fellow human being.  Don’t even consider not buying it.  What kind of monster are you, anyway?

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 Reclusive Seattle author AB Bard’s poetry has twice been nominated for the Pushcart. He is the author under a pseudonym of two other hysterical novels, or perhaps historical novels, neither of which is funny. Mr. Bard is not now, nor has he ever been, a member of the Republican Party. Mr. Bard does not Tweet. He was awarded a sheepskin (BAaa) from Reed College Sleeper Cell. His one super power is the ability to repel all conventional measures of literary success. Mr. Bard is lap to a cat, pal to a girl, God to a dog, & dog to the Man.

To find out more, please visit him at


Be sure to stop by The Writer’s Life as they are also hosting a stop on the tour today featuring an interview with the author; on Monday, this train will be jumping tracks over to Beth’s Book Reviews and Miki’s Hope. 

Special thanks to Tracee at Pump Up Your Book for the opportunity to host a stop on this tour.  (THANKS!) For more information on this promotion as well as those forthcoming, be sure to visit them online or follow along on Twitter (because unlike the author, they DO tweet…^_^).

Until next time…happy reading!

1 comment:

Alexia561 said...

Best author guest post ever! Reminded me a little of National Lampoon's "If You Don't Buy This Book, We'll Kill This Dog" book! :)

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